Sigh...

Today was one of those days where nothing seemed to go well...

1. I woke up with a very hoarse voice, thanks to my cold that won't seem to leave.
2. I also woke up with this annoying muscle cramp in my neck that makes me feel like someone's pressing on my neck all day. I usually get it when I'm stressed out, only this time I can't figure out what I'm stressed out about. Once I have the muscle cramp though, it gives me something to stress out about because it's so annoying.
3. Then at Stone Island I ended up having to carry my guitar for an extra long time before we could drop it off at the church. We got stuck behind a walking funeral procession, so I had to walk extra slow for about a half-mile with the guitar getting heavier and heavier every second. I guess it was interesting to see a real Mexican funeral. Kinda sad though.
4. At lunch, when we were eating at our usual spot (a local family-owned taco joint) school got out and about four kids came over to chat. That was nice, but the awful part was the awkwardness of eating in front of them. Here were some sweet, poor kids watching us down two quesadillas a piece, which both cost probably more than the food they eat in one day. I felt like the worst Christian. It's not that we don't want to feed them. Nearly every time I'm out there we treat a handful of kids to some tacos. There's just a fine balance where you don't want to enable them to just depend on us all the time. We ended up getting them something anyway just because I couldn't stand it. I still don't really know if we handled it the right way, so I still kinda feel a bit like a bad Christian.
5. Next, we went over to Maggie's (has Muscular Dystrophy) for Bible Study and prayer and I nearly dozed off a couple times. I always have trouble staying awake because it's about an hour's worth of pure Spanish right after lunch. It's a great thing, but just a real test of will power for me!
6. Then, while I was still struggling to keep my eyelids open, we went over to the church to get ready for the other Bible Study and kids' class. Some of the helpers started coming, and I could hardly even find the strength to say hello... I was just that tired (and sick).
7. Then, I messed up a bunch playing the guitar for worship for the women's Bible Study and my voice cracked several times because it's hoarse and has a muscle cramp. And then, when I went out to help lead songs with the kids, I couldn't even get them into it. And I was so exhausted and not feeling good, so I just stopped after only two songs.

Oh what a day! It's one of those days where I just feel like I failed so much, I'm exhausted, and all I want to do is shut down. But I also know that part of it was just because I wasn't feeling well, and I guess I have to give myself grace for that. Before I started this internship I knew these days would come and that I just gotta get back up and press on. After letting it all out and the nice phone call I had with my parents, I feel a bit better and have some new hope for a new day. I also have to trust that even though today wasn't a success in my book, God was doing something anyway.