...coffee and healing...

On Monday last week I have to admit I hit an emotional low that I haven't had in a long time. I think the build up of tough circumstances (having my wallet stolen, Megan leaving, getting lice, getting sick), not feeling like I'm hearing God's voice, and then feeling drained and having that effect my ministry all caught up with me. So, on Monday I found myself totally depressed and confused, even to the point of having mild panic attacks. I decided to fast for the day and just spend time seeking God. I walked over to the beach for a while and read the Bible and just sat and prayed and listened to the waves, just trying to calm my spirit. It helped me while I was there, but as soon as I left I started feeling the wave of emotions come over me again. I was really hurting and desperate and not sure how much longer I could stay here and keep doing what I've been doing.

Not knowing what I was going through, this 60-something guy Bill who's staying with my host family and myself had asked me to go talk over some coffee that night. I was a little hesitant just because it was a one-on-one thing with a man and because he's a pretty extreme Charismatic guy who had already preached to me several times about speaking in tongues and the prosperity gospel. I'm not really sure I agree with his perspective on these issues, and so I was nervous that this was just going to be more of him trying to preach at me - just what I didn't need at this point. But, I could sense a genuineness in him that he really just wanted to encourage me and I was pretty desperate.

So, I took my chances and we headed out for coffee. Instead of preaching at me, he listened. He asked me about myself, where I was at, anything I wanted to talk about and he just... listened. For three hours or so, he just gave me his ear. I can't tell you how huge that was just to have someone care and hear me out and then encourage me in some things he saw in me - worship, compassion, patience - things that I didn't even believe I had anymore. I honestly couldn't believe anyone could see those things in me because the last week or so I had just been sort of depressed and struggling my way through my daily tasks. It gave me so much hope. As we talked I could feel my spirit filling up and by the end of the night I was honestly a new person! And, I'm still worlds better over a week later.

It's amazing to me how God used someone I wouldn't expect to help me in a really tough place. It was a step of faith for him, too, not knowing what God was going to bring out of it. As a result two people stepping out into the unknown and being available, God moved.

But Zion said, "The Lord has forsaken me, and the Lord has forgotten me." Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands. Isaiah 49:14-16